I wrote this back in January of this year before I was blogging. I thought I would share this.
I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
My family has been living with Multiple Sclerosis for 8 years now, through our daughter, Brandhi. We have been through the ups and downs, twists and turns that this dreadful disease chooses for us.
Since diagnosis we have been on all of the 4 injectable disease modifying drugs that are on the market until about a year ago. Brandhi’s disease course has been aggressive, relentless, painful and unstoppable. We have been able to make little jabs at the disease but have never really landed a good punch until Tysabri.
Tysabri has been on the market for almost 3 years and has been doing wonders; however, it does come with one caveat; PML. PML is caused when a dormant virus that some people have in their brain called the JC virus is activated thus causing a serious brain infection called PML. PML causes death and has caused death therefore Tysabri is released under a black box warning for death or take at your own risk.
So nearly a year ago our daughter made the decision to start taking intra-venous infusions of Tysabri and six months later we finally received the news that Brandhi’s MS has been stopped. She didn’t have any new lesions or active disease. Praise God! After seven years of off and on again blindness, numbness, balance issues, spasticity and pain there has been a reprieve. Halleluiah!
Throughout these past seven years we have felt nearer and nearer to God with each passing year. When you have an incurable disease that is attacking you and there is very little you can do to stop it you learn to lean on Jesus. We have had deep valley pits and we have stood high on mountain tops but through it all God has been our comforter, our sustainer. (Jeremiah 8:18 You are my comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.) Just as Jeremiah was overcome with grief for the people rebelling against God he recognizes God as his comforter in sorrow and so do we. God has always been our comforter, without fail He is always there just as he promised.
Sometimes I wonder did God allow MS into our lives so that we may develop patience. (James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.)
Or is He teaching us to keep His precepts. (Psalm 119:75-76. I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.)
According to Romans 5:3 God wants us to rejoice in our sufferings because it produces perseverance, which produces character; and character hope. James 1:12 tells us that God blesses us for persevering during times of trials.
I could keep quoting many scriptures that have taught us over the years that God is there; God is our comforter, our shelter, our safe place.
Years of living with MS has definitely taught us that we MUST rely on God. (2 Cor. 1:8-9) With an incurable illness that is as unpredictable and relentless as MS we have come to the realization that there is nothing that we can do but rely on God, the one who raises the dead.
A couple of weeks ago Brandhi had a test performed to see if she was at risk for PML by having the JC virus and earlier this week we learned that she tested positive for this virus and her risk of developing PML doubled; therefore, she has to discontinue the only disease modifying medication that has ever worked for her. In talking with the doctors we have learned that there are some new medications that have been discovered and there are some more on the horizon. Although, we are continuing to walk into the realm of the unknown with a new drug, new side effects and possible relapses we know that God is with us.
As a mother with a child with an incurable disease the feelings and emotions I go through can only be understood by other mothers that have experienced similar circumstances. At this time I am reaching out just like the woman with the 12 year hemorrhage that has seen many doctors and had many different things done to her I am reaching out just to touch the tassels on Jesus’ garment because I know there is power to be had; power for healing and power to overcome what the doctors have not been able to cure.
As I sit alone and think about the suffering my baby girl has endured over the last 8 years and the uncertainty of her future I begin to cry. But friends, through the tears I want to tell anyone who is going through a tough time whether it be an illness, a loss of a job or a loss of a loved one that sometimes God gives us trials so that our faith would be stronger than gold and that Christ would be honored and glorified. (I Peter 1:7-8) so don’t misunderstand my tears as a sign of weakness or a lack of faith but as a testimony of how one mother is facing her Goliath, with faith.
MS is my families’ Goliath and it is towering over us like a giant, it has been champion in a lot of battles but just as David, a little shepherd boy, did not take on the giant in his own power we know that God is with us and we are going to face Goliath and we are going to give God glory all along the way!