This is another blog I wrote back before I was blogging. I actually wrote this one only a few short months ago while we were dealinger with yet another relapse of MS that we battle.
God is good
Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 12:08pm
As my precious baby girl sleeps in the other room I sit in the living room where I feel the cool breeze of the ceiling as it quietly spins around above me. I look across to the end table that has become a make shift hospital stand with surgical tape, alcohol pads, syringes and a sharps container, my, I have been here too many times before. This desperate feeling in the pit of stomach that wants so deeply for these drugs, these nasty horrible drugs that I have to inject into my daughter’s veins in an attempt to lessen her deep nerve pain in her legs or bring feelings back into her hands; will this work, only God knows.
Since that spring morning in 2003 at the young age of thirteen when my daughter woke up blind in her right eye and numb on her left side we have been in daily battle with a monster known as Multiple Sclerosis. I call MS a MonSter because it is scary, unrelenting, unpredictable and devastating. Over the course of the last nine years I have watched the MonSter torment my daughter day and night sometimes causing blindness, numbness, tingling and excruciating pain but one thing that remains a constant that you can count on is its unpredictability. Its unique way of attacking a precious life and a eating away at her nervous system bit by bit all the while we fill her veins with drugs that cause side effects that are just almost as horrible as the MonSter in an attempt to slow it down.
During the course of these nine years we have had friends come and go, prayer warriors giving into to the fight and fleeting family that get used to the status quo of the MonSter. Can I dare say that we have been let down by these people, I answer with a resounding OH YES! However, through the years I’ve come to realize that is the place God has wanted us to be, disappointed and let down by people. When in this valley we’ve had our arms reaching up for someone anyone to come along and lift us up out of this valley, but to no avail they eventually get tired and let go. I used to get upset or angry by this and blame people for not caring enough or being there. Then God revealed to me through His Holy Word that it is foolish to put your trust in man because they will fall short every time. I know I do. I know that I have disappointed someone somewhere in time so who I am to criticize. God has allowed us to go through this deep dark valley throughout these nine years alone so that we could see where our trust needs to be. Psalm 118:8-9 English Standard Version (ESV) 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. 9It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes. Believe his promises friends, He preserved them for us in scripture for a reason. Amen.
I started last week reading the new book, Erasing Hell by Francis Chan. I must say I expected to read verses that solidified my belief in a literal actual never ending hell and I did. But what I stumbled onto today was words of encouragement jumping off the pages of this book sent to me from my Heavenly Father to comfort me this day in this hour.
I’m sitting outside early this morning soaking in the sunshine, drinking coffee that my wonderful husband brought me expecting to take my mind off of our personal hell with the MonSter and read about the literal hell that awaits those who do not believe. Sounds comforting right; well actually I was surprised at what God gave me this morning. In Francis’s book, page 136 there is a section entitled, Wrestling with God, he writes, “Yet God doesn’t call us to be stoic about our painful experiences. He expects us to wrestle, and He knows that we will experience pain in this life. Life does deal us some heavy blows, and it’s natural – human – for us to weep, struggle, and cry out in desperation.” He goes on to talk about John 11:35 and gives examples of Job. I had come to a better understanding of Job’s experiences in the fact that in the beginning Job heard God but at the end Job saw God. Hallelujah! Throughout Job we see Him wrestling with God. As Francis points out on page 137 these scriptures Job 38:4, 38:18 and 40:7-8. They are so powerful that I must urge you to read them. Job 38:4 English Standard Version (ESV) 4″Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Job 38:18 English Standard Version (ESV) 18Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this. Job 40:7-8 English Standard Version (ESV) 7 “Dress for action[a] like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. 8Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
Francis Chan sums it up as, “In other words, will the clay say to the Potter, “Why did you do this to me?” And right there in black in white on the pages of Francis’ book, Erasing Hell, God spoke to me.
Many years ago, my husband and I stopped asking God why us; why our beautiful, sweet, precious little girl? Why does she have to suffer and live with this MonSter? Well, why not us? So we turned our question from why us to what? God, what do you want us to do with this? As we are always learning and still asking for prayer there are several lessons we’ve learned.
One, God is God and we are not. His ways are perfect. He is good. He loves our daughter more than we do and He knows and wants what is best according to His perfect will and we have to trust in Him.
Second, we cannot put our trust in man. Because no matter how much they care and love us people will let us down. God and only God will be our stronghold in our times of trouble and we know Him and put ALL our trust in Him for God has not forsaken those who seek him. (Paraphrased from Psalm 9:9-10).
Third, I take from 2 Corinthians 1:4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
To that end, friends we want to proclaim to you right now and urge you to know and claim the promises God has given us in His word and know that God is God and we are not! God’s ways are perfect ours are not! And whatever you may go through in this life use it to Glorify God and to comfort those with which we ourselves are comforted by God! Don’t hide in your past, don’t become swallowed up in your affliction but trust in God and His ways and give Him glory, honor and praise because God is good!